The Lord of the Rings, in review
Adam Cadre summarises The Lord of the Rings, the film, without — shock, horror — having first read The Lord of the Rings, the book:
There are another couple of characters in this section who seem important. One is the elf king, Agent Smith. He has pointy ears (plastic) and pointy eyebrows (plastic? CGI? real? I dunno). The other is Liv Tyler. Her job is to make moon eyes with Ted Striker and have backlit smoochies with him for two of the series’s 600+ minutes. Liv and Ted apparently have some kind of history together but if we ever learn what it is I don’t remember it. They are in love, though it’s the sort of love that involves exchanges of trinkets in lieu of any sort of ongoing relationship. Also when they’re together a high-pitched choir sings in the background, but the high-pitched choir sings in the background for about seven hours of the running time so that might not signify anything.
Best. Movie. Review. Ever.
Except: Adam seems to think that the reason he’s confused is because he hasn’t read the book. It’s not. I’ve read LotR twice — most recently, a few months before seeing the first of the films — and I had exactly the same reaction to some parts.
In fact, I also looked up The Two Towers in Wikipedia to see if I could work out which towers the title referred to (spoiler: pick any two of five).
… though I did know that it was spelled “Ents”, not “Ants”.